If you're reading this, chances are someone you love has died — or you're preparing for what lies ahead. Either way, learning how to plan a funeral for the first time can feel overwhelming. There are decisions you never expected to make, timelines you didn't know existed, and costs that can catch you off guard if you're not prepared.

Take a breath. You don't have to figure this out alone, and you don't have to get everything perfect. A funeral is, at its core, a way to honor someone's life and give the people who loved them a place to grieve together. This guide will walk you through every step of planning a funeral — from the very first phone call to the days after the service — so you can move forward with clarity and confidence.

Our Funeral Planning Toolkit ($19) walks you through every step with interactive checklists and a budget tracker. It was designed specifically for people doing this for the first time.

Step 1: Understand Your Funeral Options

Before you make any phone calls or commitments, it helps to understand the landscape of choices available to you. Funeral planning isn't one-size-fits-all, and the decisions you make here will shape everything that follows.

Burial vs. Cremation

The most fundamental choice is between burial and cremation. In recent years, cremation has become the more common option in the United States, chosen by over 60% of families. But both paths are meaningful, and the right choice depends on the wishes of the deceased, family traditions, religious beliefs, and budget considerations.

Traditional burial involves embalming the body, holding a viewing or visitation, conducting a funeral service, and then interring the casket in a cemetery plot. This path tends to be more expensive due to the cost of a casket, embalming, cemetery plot, and headstone.

Cremation gives families more flexibility. You can still hold a full funeral service before the cremation, or you can have a memorial service afterward — or even weeks later. The cremated remains can be kept in an urn, scattered in a meaningful place, divided among family members, or placed in a columbarium niche. If you're considering keeping or sharing ashes, our guide to ashes keepsakes and urns covers a wide range of thoughtful options.

Types of Funeral Services

Beyond the burial-or-cremation decision, you'll also want to think about the kind of service you'd like to hold:

  • Traditional funeral service: Typically held in a funeral home chapel or place of worship, with the body present in a casket. Usually includes a viewing period followed by a formal ceremony.
  • Memorial service: A ceremony held without the body present. This gives you more flexibility with timing and venue — it could take place days or even weeks after the death.
  • Celebration of life: A less formal gathering focused on honoring the person's life with stories, music, and shared memories rather than following a traditional religious or ceremonial structure.
  • Graveside service: A shorter ceremony held at the cemetery, sometimes in addition to a funeral or sometimes as the only service.
  • Direct burial or direct cremation: The most simple and affordable option, where the body is buried or cremated without a formal service. Families may choose to hold a private gathering separately.

There is no wrong choice here. Some families blend elements — holding a traditional religious service followed by a casual celebration of life at someone's home, for example. The goal is to create something that feels right for the person who died and the people who are grieving.

Step 2: Choose a Funeral Home

For most families, the funeral home becomes your primary partner through this process. A good funeral director will guide you through decisions, handle legal paperwork, coordinate with cemeteries and other vendors, and take much of the logistical burden off your shoulders.

What to Look for in a Funeral Home

Not all funeral homes are the same, and it's worth taking a little time — even just an hour — to make a thoughtful choice. Consider the following:

  • Reputation and reviews: Look at online reviews, but also ask friends, coworkers, or your place of worship for recommendations.
  • Transparency about pricing: Federal law (the FTC Funeral Rule) requires funeral homes to provide an itemized price list. If a funeral home is reluctant to share pricing, consider it a red flag.
  • Range of services: Some funeral homes specialize in traditional services while others are more flexible with non-traditional or personalized options.
  • Facilities: Visit in person if possible. The space should feel clean, well-maintained, and comfortable.
  • Staff demeanor: You want people who are compassionate, patient, and willing to answer all of your questions without pressure to upsell.

Questions to Ask When Comparing Funeral Homes

When you call or visit a funeral home, don't be afraid to ask direct questions. Here are some important ones:

  1. Can you provide a complete, itemized price list?
  2. What is included in your basic services fee?
  3. Do you offer cremation services, or do you use a third-party crematory?
  4. Can we bring our own casket or urn?
  5. What are the costs for embalming, and is it required?
  6. Do you help with filing the death certificate and other paperwork?
  7. How far in advance do you need to schedule a service?
  8. Are there additional fees for weekend or evening services?

Getting answers from two or three funeral homes can help you compare costs and find the best fit. You shouldn't feel guilty about comparing prices — this is a significant financial decision, and funeral homes expect it.

Step 3: Make Key Decisions About the Service

Once you've chosen a funeral home, you'll begin making more specific decisions about the service itself. If the deceased left instructions — in a will, a pre-arrangement, or even in conversations with loved ones — those wishes should guide you. If not, gather close family members and make decisions together.

Open Casket vs. Closed Casket

This is a deeply personal choice. An open casket allows mourners to say a physical goodbye and can provide a sense of closure. A closed casket may be preferred due to the circumstances of death, the wishes of the deceased, cultural traditions, or simply personal comfort. Neither choice is more respectful than the other — choose what feels right for your family.

Religious, Secular, or Blended Ceremony

Think about the beliefs of the person who died and the needs of those who will attend:

  • Religious services follow the traditions and rituals of a specific faith. A clergy member typically leads the service, and the structure may include specific prayers, scripture readings, and hymns.
  • Secular services focus on the person's life without religious elements. A family member, friend, or professional celebrant can officiate.
  • Blended services incorporate some religious elements alongside personal touches. For example, you might include a prayer alongside a favorite poem, or have a hymn followed by the deceased's favorite song.

Personalizing the Funeral

Modern funerals are increasingly personal, and there are countless ways to reflect the unique personality of the person you're honoring. Consider incorporating personal photographs, meaningful objects, favorite colors, or themed decorations. A display table with items that represented the person — a fishing rod, a collection of books, a favorite hat — can be profoundly moving. For a deeper dive into meaningful customization, read our guide on how to personalize a funeral service.

Step 4: Plan the Funeral Service in Detail

With the big decisions made, it's time to plan the actual flow of the ceremony. This is where the funeral transforms from an event into something truly meaningful — a shared experience that helps everyone begin to process their loss.

Creating the Order of Service

The order of service is the roadmap for the ceremony. While every service is unique, a common structure might look like this:

  1. Processional / Entrance: Guests are seated; family enters. Music may play.
  2. Welcome and Opening Words: The officiant greets attendees and sets the tone.
  3. Prayers or Readings: Religious texts, poems, or literary passages that were meaningful to the deceased.
  4. Eulogy or Eulogies: One or more people share memories, stories, and reflections about the person's life.
  5. Musical Selections: Hymns, songs, or instrumental pieces played live or recorded.
  6. Additional Tributes: A slideshow, a video message, a moment of silence, or an open-mic period for attendees to share briefly.
  7. Closing Words: Final reflections from the officiant.
  8. Recessional / Exit: Family exits first; music plays as guests depart.

For guidance on choosing the right songs and structuring this flow, our article on celebration songs and the order of service is a valuable resource.

Choosing Readings and Eulogies

Readings can come from religious scripture, poetry, literature, or even the deceased's own writings. Choose passages that reflect their values, humor, or philosophy. For eulogies, select speakers who knew the person well and are comfortable speaking in front of a group. It's wise to have two or three eulogists to provide different perspectives — perhaps a family member, a close friend, and a colleague.

Give eulogists guidance on length (five to seven minutes is a good target) and encourage them to be specific. The most moving eulogies aren't filled with generalities — they're filled with particular moments, inside jokes, and the small details that made someone irreplaceable.

Selecting Music

Music is one of the most emotionally powerful elements of a funeral. You might include:

  • Processional music as guests arrive and are seated
  • A hymn or song during the service
  • Background music during a slideshow or moment of reflection
  • Recessional music as guests depart

Don't feel limited to somber or classical music. If the person loved country music, jazz, or classic rock, those choices can make the service feel authentic and deeply personal. What matters is that the music means something.

Step 5: Handle the Funeral Logistics

Behind the emotional and ceremonial aspects of a funeral, there's a significant amount of practical coordination that needs to happen. Handling these logistics well ensures the day runs smoothly and allows everyone to focus on what matters most — honoring and remembering the person who died.

Transportation

You'll need to arrange transportation of the deceased from the place of death to the funeral home, and then from the funeral home to the ceremony venue and cemetery (if applicable). The funeral home typically coordinates this. You may also want to arrange a hearse and a family limousine, though these are optional — many families simply drive themselves.

Venue Arrangements

The service might be held at the funeral home chapel, a place of worship, a community hall, or even an outdoor location. Confirm the venue's availability, capacity, accessibility for elderly or disabled guests, parking, and any restrictions on decorations, candles, or music. If there will be a reception or gathering after the service, arrange that space as well.

Flowers and Decorations

Flowers are a traditional part of most funerals. You'll typically want at least one arrangement near the casket or urn and may want additional arrangements throughout the space. Some families request donations to a charity in lieu of flowers. If you do want flowers, a local florist experienced with funeral arrangements can guide you on appropriate styles and sizes.

Printed Programs

A printed program (also called an order of service) serves as both a keepsake and a guide for attendees. A typical program includes the order of events, names of speakers and participants, song lyrics or prayer texts, a photo and brief biography of the deceased, and acknowledgments. Many funeral homes can print these for you, or you can create them yourself using online templates.

Food and Reception

Many families host a gathering after the service where people can eat, share memories, and comfort one another. This can be as simple as coffee and sandwiches at someone's home or as elaborate as a catered event at a restaurant. Consider asking a few trusted friends or family members to coordinate the food so you don't have to manage it yourself.

Feeling overwhelmed by the details? Our Funeral Planning Toolkit ($19) walks you through every step with interactive checklists and a budget tracker — so nothing falls through the cracks.

Step 6: Manage the Funeral Budget

Funeral costs are one of the most stressful aspects of planning, especially when you're grieving and making decisions quickly. Understanding what things cost — and where you have flexibility — puts you in a much stronger position.

What Does a Funeral Cost?

According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the median cost of a funeral with a viewing and burial is approximately $7,800, and a funeral with cremation is approximately $6,300. However, total costs can vary dramatically depending on your choices. Here's a general breakdown of common expenses:

Item Typical Cost Range
Funeral home basic services fee $2,000 – $3,500
Embalming $500 – $800
Casket $1,000 – $10,000+
Cremation fee $200 – $800
Urn $50 – $1,000+
Cemetery plot $1,000 – $4,000
Headstone / Grave marker $500 – $3,000+
Flowers $150 – $700
Printed programs $50 – $250
Transportation (hearse, limo) $300 – $800
Death certificates (multiple copies) $50 – $200
Obituary placement $100 – $1,500

How to Save Money on Funeral Costs

There's no shame in being cost-conscious during funeral planning. Here are legitimate ways to reduce expenses without sacrificing meaning:

  • Compare prices from at least two or three funeral homes. Prices can vary by thousands of dollars for the same services.
  • Choose cremation over burial if the family doesn't have strong preferences. Cremation is generally less expensive.
  • Provide your own casket or urn. You have the legal right to purchase a casket from a third party (including online retailers), and the funeral home cannot charge a handling fee.
  • Skip embalming if you're having a closed-casket service or cremation. Embalming is rarely legally required.
  • Hold the service at a non-traditional venue like a park, a family home, or a community center to avoid facility rental fees.
  • Ask about package pricing — some funeral homes offer bundled services at a lower rate than à la carte pricing.
  • Limit the obituary to a free online listing rather than a paid newspaper notice, or keep the paid notice brief.
  • Accept help. When friends ask what they can do, let them bring food for the reception, arrange flowers from their gardens, or create the printed programs.

Paying for the Funeral

Common sources of funding include life insurance policies, the deceased's bank accounts (though access may be delayed), veterans' burial benefits (if applicable), Social Security's one-time death benefit of $255, and contributions from family members. Some funeral homes also offer payment plans. If the family is in financial hardship, ask the funeral home about reduced-cost options or contact local community organizations for assistance.

Step 7: Notify Family, Friends, and Institutions

One of the most exhausting parts of the process is letting people know what has happened and what comes next. Having a plan for notifications can make this more manageable.

Immediate Family and Close Friends

Start with the inner circle. Phone calls are most appropriate for immediate family members and the closest friends. Designate one or two people to help you make calls — you don't have to do this alone. For the broader circle, a group text, email, or social media post is perfectly acceptable.

Employer and Colleagues

Notify your own employer so you can take bereavement leave. If the deceased was employed, contact their employer as well — there may be life insurance benefits, final paychecks, or retirement accounts to address. Ask about any group life insurance policies or employee assistance programs.

Government and Financial Institutions

Several institutions need to be notified promptly after a death:

  • Social Security Administration: Report the death to stop benefit payments and apply for the $255 lump-sum death benefit. Call 1-800-772-1213.
  • Insurance companies: Life insurance, health insurance, auto insurance, and homeowner's insurance all need to be contacted.
  • Banks and financial institutions: Notify banks, investment companies, and credit card companies.
  • Pension or retirement plan administrators: If the deceased was receiving a pension or had a 401(k), IRA, or other retirement account.
  • The post office: You may want to forward mail.
  • Utility companies and subscription services: Cancel or transfer accounts as needed.

You'll need multiple certified copies of the death certificate for these notifications — order at least 10 to 15 copies.

Writing and Placing an Obituary

The obituary serves as a public notice of the death and an announcement of funeral arrangements. It typically includes the person's full name, date of birth and death, a brief life summary, surviving family members, service details, and any special requests (such as donations in lieu of flowers). You can publish obituaries in local newspapers, on the funeral home's website, and on online memorial platforms.

Step 8: Take Care of Yourself

This step is not optional — it's essential. Planning a funeral while grieving is one of the most emotionally and physically draining experiences a person can go through. You may feel pressure to be strong, to manage every detail, to hold everyone else together. But you are grieving too, and you deserve care.

During the Planning Process

  • Accept help. When someone offers, give them a specific task — picking up groceries, making phone calls, watching the kids, handling the reception food.
  • Eat and sleep. Grief can suppress appetite and disrupt sleep. Do your best to maintain basic self-care even when it feels impossible.
  • Set boundaries. You don't owe everyone immediate responses. It's okay to turn your phone off for an hour.
  • Share the decision-making. You don't have to carry every decision yourself. Include family members and let the funeral director guide you.

After the Funeral

The days and weeks after a funeral can feel strangely empty. The flurry of activity stops, the visitors go home, and the reality of the loss settles in. This is a normal and important part of grief. Be patient with yourself. Grief doesn't follow a schedule or a straight line.

If you're finding it difficult to function in daily life — if the grief feels unbearable, or if you're experiencing prolonged depression, anxiety, or isolation — please reach out for professional support. Our article on the benefits of grief counseling and when to seek help can help you determine whether it's time to talk to someone.

Funeral Planning Timeline: What to Do and When

When someone dies, the practical demands come quickly. This timeline is designed to help you prioritize tasks so you know what needs to happen now, what can wait a day, and what can be handled after the service.

Within the First 24 Hours

  • Obtain a legal pronouncement of death (the hospital, hospice, or a physician will handle this)
  • Contact a funeral home to arrange transfer of the body
  • Notify immediate family members
  • Locate any existing funeral pre-arrangements, will, or written wishes
  • Begin thinking about burial vs. cremation

Days 1 – 3: Core Planning

  • Meet with the funeral director to discuss service options and costs
  • Choose between burial and cremation
  • Set the date, time, and location of the service
  • Select a casket or urn
  • Begin writing the obituary
  • Notify employer, close friends, and wider circle
  • Choose an officiant (clergy, celebrant, or family member)
  • Select pallbearers if needed
  • Begin planning the order of service

Days 3 – 5: Service Details

  • Finalize readings, music, and eulogies
  • Order flowers
  • Arrange printed programs
  • Plan the reception or post-service gathering
  • Submit the obituary to newspapers and online platforms
  • Coordinate any special elements (slideshow, display items, video tributes)
  • Confirm all logistical details with the funeral home and venue

Days 5 – 7: Final Preparations

  • Confirm the order of service with the officiant and speakers
  • Prepare any personal items for the service or display
  • Arrange transportation for the day of the service
  • Review all details one final time with the funeral director
  • Try to rest

After the Service

  • Send thank-you notes to those who helped, sent flowers, or made donations
  • Order certified copies of the death certificate (10–15 copies)
  • Notify Social Security, banks, insurance companies, and other institutions
  • Begin the probate process if necessary
  • Address ongoing financial and legal matters
  • Allow yourself time and space to grieve

Want a printable version of this timeline with built-in checklists? Our Funeral Planning Toolkit ($19) walks you through every step with interactive checklists and a budget tracker — designed to keep you organized during the most difficult week of your life.

Bringing It All Together

Planning a funeral for the first time is one of the hardest things you'll ever do — not because the logistics are impossibly complex, but because you're doing them while your heart is breaking. Every decision can feel weighted with significance, and it's easy to second-guess yourself at every turn.

But here's what experienced funeral directors, grief counselors, and families who have been through this will tell you: there is no single right way to do a funeral. The "perfect" service isn't one where every detail is flawless — it's one where the people who loved the deceased feel seen, supported, and connected to each other.

Focus on what matters most. Let go of what doesn't. Ask for help when you need it. And trust that by showing up and doing your best during an impossibly hard time, you are already honoring the person you lost.

Our Funeral Planning Toolkit ($19) walks you through every step with interactive checklists and a budget tracker. If you'd like a structured companion to keep you on track during the planning process, it's there for you whenever you're ready.

Frequently Asked Questions About Planning a Funeral

How long does it take to plan a funeral?

Most funerals are planned within three to seven days of the death, though there is no legal requirement to hold a service within a specific timeframe. If you choose cremation, you have more flexibility — some families wait weeks or even months to hold a memorial service. The key is to work at a pace that allows you to make thoughtful decisions without unnecessary pressure.

Can I plan a funeral without a funeral home?

In most states, yes. Families have the legal right to handle the care of the body, arrange transportation, and conduct a funeral service without hiring a funeral home. However, this requires significant effort, including obtaining permits, filing paperwork, and managing the physical care of the deceased. Most families find that working with a funeral home — especially for a first-time experience — is well worth the investment for the guidance and logistical support they provide.

What if the deceased didn't leave any instructions?

This is very common. If the person who died didn't leave a will, pre-arrangement, or written instructions about their funeral preferences, the responsibility falls to the next of kin. Gather close family members and discuss what you think the person would have wanted. Consider their personality, values, religious beliefs, and the kinds of things they enjoyed in life. There is no wrong answer — the goal is to create a service that feels authentic and respectful.

How do I write a eulogy?

Start by gathering stories and memories — your own and those of others who knew the person well. Focus on specific moments rather than general qualities. If they were kind, tell a story that shows that kindness in action. Aim for five to seven minutes (roughly 800 to 1,000 words). It's okay to include humor; laughter and tears often go hand in hand at funerals. Practice reading it aloud at least once before the service, and have a printed copy to hold — even if you've memorized it — in case emotions make it hard to remember your place.

What should I wear to a funeral I'm planning?

Traditional funeral attire is dark and conservative — black, navy, or dark gray are standard choices. As the person planning the service, you set the tone. If the service is a casual celebration of life, you might invite attendees to wear the deceased's favorite color or dress in a way that reflects the spirit of the event. Whatever you choose, aim for clothing that is neat, respectful, and allows you to move comfortably — you'll be on your feet much of the day.