Most people never consider writing their own obituary. The task feels morbid, uncomfortable, maybe even a little vain. But here is the truth: no one knows your story better than you do. When you write your own obituary, you take control of the final chapter of your public narrative, spare your grieving family a difficult writing task, and ensure that the details of your life are captured with accuracy, warmth, and the personality that made you who you are.

This comprehensive guide walks you through every step of crafting a self-written obituary, from choosing your tone to storing the finished document. You will find templates for different styles, full-length examples for inspiration, and practical advice for turning what feels like an impossible task into a meaningful act of love and self-reflection.

Why Write Your Own Obituary

The decision to write your own obituary is, at its core, an act of generosity and self-determination. Here are the most compelling reasons people choose to do it.

Control Your Narrative

Your obituary is the last public document that will represent your life. When someone else writes it under the pressure of grief and funeral deadlines, important details get lost, stories are misremembered, and the tone may not reflect who you actually were. A pre-written obituary lets you decide which accomplishments to highlight, which relationships to honor, and which stories to share. You get the final word, literally.

Spare Your Family a Difficult Task

In the days immediately following a death, families are overwhelmed. They are making funeral arrangements, notifying loved ones, managing legal paperwork, and processing their own grief. Being asked to write a coherent, heartfelt obituary during that window is an enormous burden. When you write your obituary in advance, you remove one significant task from their plate during the hardest week of their lives. If you are already thinking about ways to ease the burden on your loved ones, our funeral planning toolkit covers many other steps you can take now.

Ensure Accuracy

Dates, spellings of names, the order of life events, the correct name of that award you received in 1987: these details matter, and they are surprisingly easy to get wrong. You are the most reliable source for the facts of your own life. A self-written obituary eliminates the awkward phone calls between family members trying to remember whether you graduated in 1974 or 1975.

Add Humor and Personality

Obituaries written by grieving relatives tend to follow a safe, formulaic pattern. But if you were the kind of person who made people laugh, who saw the world differently, who lived with a particular flair, your obituary should reflect that. Writing it yourself gives you permission to be funny, irreverent, poetic, or unconventional in ways your family might not feel comfortable attempting on your behalf.

Famous Self-Written Obituaries for Inspiration

If you need proof that a self-written obituary can be powerful, funny, or deeply moving, look no further than these well-known examples.

Freddie Mercury

The legendary Queen frontman was famously private about his personal life, but his public farewell statement, released the day before his death in 1991, confirmed his AIDS diagnosis on his own terms. While not a traditional obituary, it demonstrated the power of controlling your own narrative at the end of life.

Emily Phillips (2015)

Emily Phillips of Portland, Oregon wrote her own obituary before dying of cancer at age 69. It went viral for lines like, "It pains me to admit it, but apparently, I have passed away." Her humorous, self-deprecating tone celebrated her life without a trace of self-pity and showed millions of readers that an obituary written by the deceased could be joyful rather than somber.

Harry Stamps (2013)

While technically written by his daughter, Harry Stamps's obituary was so deeply informed by his personality and his own words that it reads as a collaboration with the deceased. It mentioned his hatred of pimento cheese and his love of telling the same stories over and over. It reminded readers that the best obituaries sound like the person they describe.

Stig Kernell (2019)

Swedish journalist Stig Kernell wrote his own obituary and arranged for it to be published after his death. It was honest, wry, and reflective, covering his career, his regrets, and his gratitude with equal candor. It became a model for how a pre-written obituary can serve as a genuine final letter to the world.

These examples share a common thread: authenticity. The most memorable obituaries sound like the person they describe. That is much easier to achieve when the person is the one holding the pen.

Step-by-Step Guide to Writing Your Own Obituary

If you are ready to begin, here is a structured process to follow. You do not need to complete it in a single sitting. In fact, many people find it helpful to work on their obituary over several days or weeks, returning to it with fresh eyes.

Step 1: Read Other Obituaries

Before writing anything, spend some time reading obituaries. Read traditional ones in your local newspaper. Read viral ones that circulated online. Read obituaries of people in your profession, your age group, your community. Notice what moves you, what bores you, and what feels authentic. Our guide on how to write an obituary is an excellent starting point for understanding structure and conventions.

Step 2: Make a List of Facts

Before you worry about tone or style, gather the raw material. Write down your full name, date of birth, place of birth, the names of your parents, siblings, spouse or partner, children, and grandchildren. List your education, career highlights, military service, significant achievements, and community involvement. This factual foundation will anchor your obituary regardless of what style you choose.

Step 3: Identify Your Theme

Every life has threads that run through it. Maybe yours is defined by a love of teaching, a dedication to family, a passion for the outdoors, or a refusal to take anything too seriously. Identifying one or two central themes will give your obituary coherence and prevent it from reading like a resume.

Step 4: Choose Your Point of View

Self-written obituaries can be written in first person ("I was born in...") or third person ("She was born in..."). First person feels more intimate and makes the self-written nature obvious. Third person feels more traditional and gives you some emotional distance from the subject matter. There is no wrong choice. Pick whichever feels more natural.

Step 5: Write the First Draft

Do not aim for perfection. Just get words on the page. You can revise later. Start wherever feels easiest, whether that is the beginning of your life, the part you are most proud of, or even the closing line. The important thing is to start.

Step 6: Revise and Edit

Set your draft aside for at least a few days, then return to it. Read it aloud. Does it sound like you? Are there sections that drag? Details that are missing? Ask a trusted friend or family member to read it and offer honest feedback.

Step 7: Finalize and Store

Once you are satisfied, finalize the document and store it where your family can find it. We will cover storage options in detail later in this guide.

Choosing Your Tone and Voice

The tone of your obituary should reflect who you are. This is not a legal document or a formal essay. It is a farewell. Here are some approaches to consider.

Warm and sincere: Straightforward, heartfelt, focused on gratitude and love. This works well for people who value simplicity and emotional honesty.

Humorous: Witty, self-deprecating, possibly irreverent. This is ideal for people who used humor as a primary way of connecting with others. Be aware that humor in obituaries can sometimes confuse readers who did not know you personally, so make sure the jokes are accessible.

Reflective and philosophical: Contemplative, focused on lessons learned and meaning found. This suits people who were known for their thoughtfulness and wisdom.

Matter-of-fact: Brief, factual, no-nonsense. This works for people who valued privacy and would feel uncomfortable with public displays of emotion.

Whichever tone you choose, consistency matters. A jarring shift from humor to solemnity (or vice versa) can feel disorienting to readers.

What to Include in a Self-Written Obituary

While there are no strict rules, most obituaries include the following elements. Consider each one and decide what belongs in yours.

  • Full legal name and any nicknames
  • Date and place of birth
  • Date and cause of death (your family can fill this in later; leave a placeholder)
  • Names of immediate family members including those who preceded you in death
  • Education and career highlights
  • Military service
  • Community involvement, volunteer work, or organizational memberships
  • Hobbies, passions, and interests
  • Defining personality traits or values
  • Favorite stories or anecdotes that capture who you were
  • Memorial or funeral service details (can be added later)
  • Charitable donation preferences in lieu of flowers

For a deeper look at obituary structure, see our complete guide on how to write an obituary.

What to Leave Out

Knowing what to exclude is just as important as knowing what to include. A self-written obituary is not the place for settling scores, airing grievances, or revealing secrets that could hurt living people. Even if certain family relationships were painful, your obituary is a public document that your loved ones will have to live with. Exercise judgment about what serves the moment and what does not.

You may also want to leave out excessive professional detail. Unless your career was the defining feature of your life, a brief summary is usually sufficient. Readers are more interested in who you were than in your complete job history.

Finally, consider omitting specific financial information, addresses, or other details that could be exploited. Unfortunately, obituaries are sometimes used by bad actors to identify vulnerable households.

Templates for Different Styles

Use these templates as starting frameworks. Adapt them freely to fit your life and voice.

Traditional Template

[Full Name], age [age], of [city, state], passed away on [date] at [location]. Born on [date] in [city, state] to [parents' names], [he/she/they] grew up in [location] and graduated from [school] in [year]. [He/She/They] married [spouse's name] on [date], and together they [raised a family / built a life / shared X years together].

[He/She/They] worked as a [profession] for [number] years, retiring from [company/organization] in [year]. [He/She/They] was a dedicated member of [organizations, church, community groups].

[He/She/They] is survived by [list of survivors]. [He/She/They] was preceded in death by [names].

A [funeral/memorial service] will be held on [date] at [location]. In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to [charity].

Humorous Template

Well, this is awkward. If you are reading this, it means I have finally done the one thing I could never talk my way out of. [Full Name] — known to most as [nickname] — has died, and [he/she/they] would like you to know that [he/she/they] [is/are] not happy about it.

Born on [date] to [parents], I spent [number] years on this planet doing [humorous summary of life]. My greatest accomplishments include [mix of real and funny items]. My greatest regret is [humorous regret].

I am survived by [family members], all of whom I loved more than I was usually willing to admit. I was preceded in death by [names], and I look forward to [humorous reunion reference].

Please do not send flowers. Instead, [humorous or heartfelt alternative request]. And if you must cry, at least tell a good story about me afterward.

Poetic Template

[Full Name] was born into this world on [date], in the [season] light of [city], and left it on [date], having walked [his/her/their] path as fully as one life allows.

[He/She/They] found beauty in [personal passions], meaning in [values or relationships], and peace in [spiritual or philosophical framework]. The thread that connected all [his/her/their] days was [central theme].

[He/She/They] leaves behind [family], each of whom carries a piece of [his/her/their] story forward. [He/She/They] asks only to be remembered with honesty, spoken of with kindness, and missed without too much sorrow.

Minimalist Template

[Full Name]. Born [date], [city]. Died [date], [city]. Loved by [names]. Loved [passions]. Lived well. Grateful for all of it.

Full Self-Written Obituary Examples

The following are fictional examples written in different styles to show what a complete self-written obituary might look like.

Example 1: The Warm Traditionalist

Margaret Anne Calloway, age 81, of Savannah, Georgia, passed away peacefully on [date] at home, surrounded by the people and the dog she loved most.

I was born on March 12, 1944, in a small house on River Street to James and Dorothy Calloway. My father was a shrimper and my mother was the strongest woman I ever knew. I graduated from Savannah High School in 1962, and the following fall I enrolled at Armstrong State College, where I earned a degree in elementary education and met the man who would become my husband, Robert Calloway.

Robert and I married in June of 1966, and we spent the next fifty-three years building a life I am deeply proud of. We raised three children: James, who became a doctor and made me cry with pride; Sarah, who inherited her grandmother's strength and then some; and Michael, who could always make me laugh when I needed it most. Between them, they gave me seven grandchildren, each one a miracle I did not take for granted.

I taught third grade at Hodge Elementary for thirty-one years. I loved every single class, even the difficult ones. Especially the difficult ones. If any of my former students are reading this, please know that I remember you and that you mattered to me.

I was a member of First Presbyterian Church, the Savannah Garden Club, and the Friends of the Telfair Museum. I loved camellias, sweet tea, crossword puzzles, and long drives with no destination. I did not love oysters, despite living in Savannah my entire life, and I never apologized for it.

I am survived by my three children, their spouses, my seven grandchildren, my sister Betty, and more friends than I deserved. Robert preceded me in death in 2019, and I have missed him every single day since. I am ready to see him again.

A memorial service will be held at First Presbyterian Church. In lieu of flowers, please donate to the Savannah-Chatham County Public School Foundation. And please, take a walk in a garden this week. For me.

Example 2: The Humorist

It is with great reluctance that I, David "Duke" Martinelli, announce my own death. I fought it as long as I could, but in the end, the universe had better lawyers.

I was born on November 3, 1958, in Brooklyn, New York, to Sal and Maria Martinelli, who raised me to believe that any problem could be solved with enough food. I attended PS 107 and John Jay High School, where I was a mediocre student and an excellent truant. I eventually graduated from CUNY with a business degree that I used primarily to win arguments at dinner parties.

I spent thirty-five years in the restaurant supply business, which is exactly as glamorous as it sounds. I sold commercial refrigerators, industrial dishwashers, and enough stainless steel shelving to reach the moon and back, probably. I was good at it because I genuinely liked talking to people, and because I never once pretended that a refrigerator was more interesting than it was.

In 1985, I married Linda Ferraro, the only person who ever laughed at all my jokes and meant it. Together we raised two kids, Anthony and Maria, who turned out far better than any reasonable person would have predicted given their father. I have four grandchildren who call me Pop-Pop and who I would have given literally anything in the world to, including things that were not mine to give.

Things I loved: the New York Mets (which should tell you everything about my capacity for suffering), homemade pasta, Frank Sinatra, terrible puns, fishing without catching anything, and falling asleep during movies I insisted on watching. Things I did not love: pineapple on pizza, traffic, and anyone who took themselves too seriously.

I am survived by Linda, Anthony, Maria, their wonderful spouses, my four grandchildren, my brother Sal Jr., and my dog, Frankie, who was the only one in the house who never judged me. I was preceded in death by my parents and my brother Vincent, who I hope has saved me a seat at whatever bar they have up there.

The family asks that in lieu of flowers, you send a plate of pasta to someone who needs it. If you must do something in my honor, tell a bad joke and refuse to apologize for it. That is how I would want to be remembered.

Example 3: The Reflective Writer

My name is Catherine Liu, and I was born in Taipei in 1952 and died in Portland, Oregon, on [date]. Between those two facts lies a life that was, by most measures, unremarkable and, by my own measure, more than enough.

I came to the United States at seventeen with a suitcase, a student visa, and the unshakable conviction that I would figure it out. I did, mostly, though not always in the ways I expected. I earned a degree in library science from the University of Oregon and spent my career surrounded by books, which was all I ever really wanted. I worked at the Multnomah County Library for twenty-eight years, and every morning I walked through those doors feeling lucky.

I married once, to a kind man named Thomas who died too young. We had one daughter, Mei-Lin, who became the best and most important thing I ever had any part in creating. Mei-Lin gave me two grandchildren, Oliver and June, who taught me that love does not divide when shared but multiplies.

I want to be honest in this, my last public statement. My life was not without loneliness, or doubt, or seasons of real sorrow. I missed my mother for decades after she passed. I struggled with the distance between the country of my birth and the country of my life. I sometimes wondered if I had been brave enough or generous enough or present enough. I suspect everyone wonders these things.

But when I look at the full shape of it, I see a life rich with reading and friendship and quiet beauty. I see the cherry trees on my street every April. I see my daughter's face. I see Sunday mornings with nowhere to be. I see enough. More than enough.

I am survived by Mei-Lin, Oliver, June, my sister Wei in Taipei, and the communities of readers and librarians who made my professional life a joy. Please donate to your local public library in my memory. Books saved my life many times over. They may save yours too.

Example 4: The Minimalist

Robert James Whitfield. Born April 9, 1940, in Duluth, Minnesota. Died [date] in Duluth, Minnesota. Bookended a life between the same lake.

Army veteran. Carpenter. Husband to Joan for forty-seven years. Father to three. Grandfather to eight. Did not like long speeches. Preferred his coffee black, his handshakes firm, and his weekends on the water.

Lived simply. Loved deeply. Left the campsite cleaner than he found it, every single time.

No service, at his request. Plant a tree if you feel like doing something.

Practical Matters: Storage, Communication, and Updates

Writing your obituary is only half the work. Making sure it reaches the right people at the right time is equally important.

Where to Store Your Obituary

Store your completed obituary in multiple locations to ensure it is not lost.

  • Physical copies: Keep a printed copy with your will and other important documents. Give a copy to your executor or a trusted family member.
  • Digital copies: Save the file to a cloud storage service and share access with your executor. Include it in a digital estate plan.
  • Memorial platform: Upload it to a pre-planned memorial page on a platform like myfarewelling.com, where it can be published when the time comes. You can create your memorial page now and include your obituary along with photos, stories, and service preferences.

If you are also working on other end-of-life documents, our guide on how to write a will can help you organize the legal side of your plans.

Who to Tell

At minimum, tell your executor, your spouse or partner, and at least one other trusted person that your obituary exists and where to find it. Be specific. "It is in my files" is not helpful. "It is in the blue folder in the top drawer of my desk, and also saved in my Google Drive under the folder called End of Life Documents" is helpful.

When to Update

Your obituary is a living document until it is not. Review and update it after major life events: the birth of a grandchild, a move to a new city, a career change, the death of a family member. A good rule of thumb is to revisit it once a year, perhaps on your birthday, to make sure it still reflects who you are.

Combining with a Pre-Planned Memorial Page

A self-written obituary is powerful on its own, but it becomes even more meaningful when paired with a complete pre-planned memorial page. On myfarewelling.com, you can create a memorial page that includes your obituary alongside photographs, favorite memories, music selections, and details about your memorial service preferences.

Pre-planning your memorial page means your family will not have to scramble to gather photos, confirm dates, or guess what kind of service you wanted. Everything will be ready, organized, and exactly the way you envisioned it. For a comprehensive look at all the steps involved in planning ahead, explore our funeral planning toolkit, which covers everything from legal documents to service logistics.

If you are already thinking about the broader picture of end-of-life planning, our article on pre-planning your own funeral walks through the full process from start to finish.

Addressing the Emotional Challenge

Let us be honest: writing your own obituary is emotionally difficult. It asks you to confront your own mortality in a concrete, sustained way. It is one thing to know abstractly that you will die someday. It is another to sit down and write the words that will announce it.

Here are some strategies for managing the emotional weight of the task.

Start with Facts

If the emotional content feels overwhelming, begin with the factual sections: names, dates, places, education, career. These are emotionally neutral and will give you momentum before you reach the harder parts.

Write in Third Person First

If writing "I" feels too raw, try drafting in third person. You can always convert it later. The distance of third person can make the process feel less like writing your own eulogy and more like writing a profile.

Give Yourself Permission to Stop

You do not have to finish in one sitting. If the emotions become too heavy, put it down and come back tomorrow. This is not a timed assignment. There is no deadline, which is, when you think about it, the entire point.

Talk to Someone

Discuss the process with a friend, a family member, a therapist, or a spiritual advisor. The act of talking about it often makes the act of writing about it easier. Some people find it helpful to treat the conversation as a spoken rough draft, recording it and transcribing it later.

Remember Why You Are Doing This

When the task feels too heavy, return to the reason: you are doing this for the people you love. You are making the worst week of their lives slightly less difficult. You are giving them a gift they will not fully understand until they need it. That purpose can carry you through the hard parts.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it common to write your own obituary?

It is more common than most people realize, and it is becoming increasingly popular. Many end-of-life planning advocates recommend it as a standard part of getting your affairs in order, alongside writing a will and designating power of attorney. When you write your own obituary, you join a growing number of people who recognize the value of controlling their final narrative.

Should a self-written obituary be written in first person or third person?

Either works well. First person ("I was born in...") feels more personal and makes it clear that the obituary was written by the deceased. Third person ("She was born in...") feels more traditional and may be preferred by those who want their pre-written obituary to blend seamlessly with conventional formats. Some people write in first person and ask their family to convert it to third person before publication.

How long should a self-written obituary be?

There is no required length. Newspaper obituaries are often limited by word count or column inches, but online obituaries and memorial pages have no such restrictions. Most obituaries range from 200 to 1,000 words. Write as much or as little as feels right. A four-sentence minimalist obituary can be just as powerful as a two-page narrative.

What if my life circumstances change after I write it?

Update it. Treat your obituary as a living document that you revisit periodically, especially after major life events like marriages, births, deaths, moves, or career changes. An annual review, perhaps on your birthday, is a practical habit.

Can I include humor in my obituary?

Absolutely. Some of the most beloved and widely shared obituaries are funny ones. If humor was a defining part of your personality, your obituary should reflect that. Just be mindful that your family will be reading it during a time of grief, so balance humor with warmth.

Where should I store my pre-written obituary?

Store it in at least two or three locations: a physical copy with your important documents, a digital copy in cloud storage, and ideally on a pre-planned memorial page like the ones you can create on myfarewelling.com. Make sure your executor and at least one family member know exactly where to find it.

Should I tell my family that I have written my own obituary?

Yes. The whole purpose of writing it in advance is to ease the burden on your loved ones, and that only works if they know the document exists and where to find it. You do not need to share the contents if you would prefer it to be a surprise, but do communicate its existence and location clearly.

Can I write my obituary even if I am young and healthy?

You can and arguably should. An obituary written by the deceased does not require a terminal diagnosis or advanced age. Writing it now, while you are clearheaded and under no time pressure, produces a better result. You can always revise it as your life unfolds.

How does a self-written obituary fit into broader end-of-life planning?

It is one piece of a larger puzzle that includes a will, advance directives, funeral pre-planning, and a memorial page. Our funeral planning toolkit provides a comprehensive checklist for all of these elements. Writing your obituary is often a natural entry point into the broader planning process because it is deeply personal and does not require a lawyer or financial advisor.

Writing your own obituary is not about being morbid. It is about being thoughtful, prepared, and generous with the people who will miss you most. It is one of the most meaningful acts of end-of-life planning you can undertake, and it costs nothing but a little time and a willingness to sit with the big questions. Start today. Your future self, and your future family, will be grateful that you did. Create your memorial page on myfarewelling.com to pair your self-written obituary with a complete, pre-planned tribute that reflects exactly who you are.